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";s:4:"text";s:19830:"He was on your side even after hearing a biased version of events, went out of his way to let you know what happened was wrong to him as well and show you support. These fake stories are starting to piss me off. Imagine all the other crap she does drunk, only to blame it on being drunk . The other men were cowering in my path - perhaps it was the still throbbing splitting seams, or maybe it was the velocity I was able to achieve on my heelys from the downward grade of my driveway. I've been married for 21+ years. After some investigation the the psychologist and clinic consensus was that my mind was f***ed up. OP-the one man who reached out to you, I feel he is a solid individual and have to give You major points to talking with him. I wouldn't be able to think of anything else when having sex with her after hearing her criticize me. I would take a long look to see if this is reconcilable. Let's give your wife the benefit of the doubt for a moment. My take: there may be some truth in her fabrications to her friends, which makes her even worse. Otoh keeping this secret is what gives it power - power over you. We must feel sadness and despair to know joy, as frustrating as that might seem. Trust is one of those things that simply cannot be regained when broken. Or so that she wont identify you? Right? If she had doubled down and defended herself and her friends, then that would be a break up situation imo. I will say at least you dumped the shit on the table straight away and didn't try to eat it by yourself. Your life, you know the relationship better than us, but this is plenty to break a marriage. Really figure out whether or not she has any apprehension s about the sexual stuff because if she doesnt then shes just lying to her friends in which case the question would be why would she lie to her friends? Would she have thrown Tom under the bus like that to entertain her friends ignorance? Secondly, words mean nothing without action to back it up. Yeah, I'm a married woman. And I've faced this with my family-- I shut that crap down with a quickness. Your wife probably didn't want to admit in front of her friends that she likes that you're into butt stuff and initiates most of the time. Funny thing she thought it would cheer me up to tell absolutely fucking everyone, just to cheer me up. Good luck and I do feel for you. I can understand your hurt, and breach of trust, but people act stupid sometimes. To her, you're the butt of the joke. Well 1. People can be so two-faced with that kind of thing. We never fight. Sorry man, I feel like we all over share with our friends sometimes. However you don't have to forgive and forget either; life isn't black and white. The world is bad enough with mean enough people, you dont need your team mate trash talking you too. As for your wifes friends, if they feel that strongly about your sexual preferences, then fuck em too! So she made you the butt of their jokes eventho she actively takes part in your sexlife and enjoys it. Why should he have to tell the whole world his sexuality? What she did was the lowest of the low and completely unacceptable. Your wife was actively talking shit about you behind your back when she thought you werent listening. Her motivation doesn't change that the fact that you deserve someone that stands up to their friends. You don't want her or the kids hanging around with him. Also? All I can tell you is that it will all pass in good time, and you deserve better, and if she cant be better it ought to be from someone else. What she did was so horrible. She outed you to your group of friends without asking you about it. Sounds like shes really sorry. The two judgmental homophobic friends have got to go. "My. IN YOUR HOME. You pave the way for us, and I appreciate you tons. Your sexuality isn't really fodder to take the piss out of. Why was this in turn a secret kept from you? You shouldnt have to hide your true self, nor be ashamed of it. Just here to let you know bi guys are preferable. She sounds like she cares way too much about what these women think. I was going to say something identical. I never said a word to anyone because I knew how bad she felt about that. ( like nothing wrong with it but the fact ur so scretive about it speaks volumes, SHAME is an individual thing. Don't ruin your relationship because of this. Your wife IMMEDIATELY tried to gaslight you as soon as she found out you heard what she had said. Ebony milf with big tits, shaking young boy's cock in rough modes 06:00. I would DIE if my husband mocked me being bi like your wife did. This crap has been swimming around for TWO FUCKING YEARS. Your wives friends are just horrible little Voltures and spineless cowards, definitely go have that drink with your friend and have some time to just calm down and have a break from this shit show. Id also like to see those fun-o-phobes pack their bags and get out of your wifes life. I agree, marriage counseling ASAP. Both were pretty against it and kind of gave me a hard time about trying it with my husband and even liking it. She's just shown you that you can't trust her with your sexuality. I feel for you and wish you the best. It's mainly drunk talk and a bit of peer pressure getting to your wife and she clearly regrets it We all make mistakes sometimes but this is how you grow as a couple! I'd be very hesitant about taking her words at face value. Do you believe what she told you? Just remember she was crying because she was caught. Did she give me advice? I'd be more open about your sexuality; if you've nothing to hide then the nasty wives have nothing to attack. Im extremely sorry this happened to you OP. When you can't control what's happening, challenge yourself to control the way you respond to what's happening. She may actually not understand your bisexuality because its been something she said shes fine with but never actually confronted. Same! Seems to me that because of her indifference to your feelings, she needs to get rid of those friends because she emasculated you in front of them. But she enjoys to embarrass you to her friends behind your back about it. Sorry you had to deal with this man, your wife sucks. this sounds like a case of she only sorry she got caught. My phone was blowing up the whole time with calls and text from my wife and a few from our friends. Do not just nod your head and move on, demand that you be treated with respect and acknowledged as the great husband you are, not just some bi/gay sexually promiscuous dude who treats her nicer than Tom.. She hurt you fucking badly. She maybe deserves the benefit of the doubt. It was never between you and them anyway. Highlight the fact that obviously the buck didn't stop with her friends as at least one of their husbands know. We have been married for more than 10 years and have . What she did is not a simple mistake. Her to like the same shit you go?? Does she really think they dont laugh at her for doing bi things with you behind her back as well? People are too quick to run away from a marriage and give up when issues come up. Shes married to a bi man, and her idiot friends shouldnt have the power to make her feel bad about it. Your wife definitely violated your trust by sharing that information with her friends. Then the friend asked my wife if she had ever been tempted to cheat on me with (insert ex-boyfriend's name), to which my wife replied saying hell no, that she would never risk our marraige like that. At the beginning of the marriage endometriosis and disparei is, we spent almost an year without sex, I was always by her side, left the work early, never even thought about hookups or relief with other women. You took that better than I would have. I turned to my wife with a raised eyebrow and announced I guess you didnt have me pegged to be a man that would stand up for himself! And I majestically brushed my cape back and walked right out of the house. Also, she doesn't like your sex life. Honestly I admire you had the balls to call her out in front of her friends and kick everyone out! She buys all kinds of outfits and toys without me even suggesting it! Based on the way she acts in private i would think you are right in your opinion. Life is transient. He said if i wanna get together for a drink or whatever to let him know. It mattered not, the day was mine. It sucks. Not only that, but she didn't admit to him that she had done it when she sobered up. To at least one person. She was prepared to throw you under the bus and make you the butt of a joke just to impress her friends? Idc who they are. Dont let your wifes shitty behavior ruin your confidence and self worth. My guess is that she was only sorry he caught her and she's been crying because she's about to become a divorced mom. The biggest thing in my mind is, she shouldn't be saying things to appease her friends because she thinks they'll judge her for being with you. At 31 years old! Thats her game, and I suggest therapy and also congratulate you, my dude, on taking it so calmly. It's terrible. They seem like they knew exactly what she was talking about, like it was a familiar topic. You and your sexuality are valid and you deserve to be treated as such. Emasculated. This is probably something couples therapy can help you navigate. Honestly the only advice I have is to don't give an inch on the fact that you were the one outted and ridiculed, not her. Its unsettling that she would remain friends with people who dared to judge her in that way, and that she even tries to gain their approval by talking trash about the beautiful sex you two get to have together. But it's not cool to talk about your spouse like that to fit in and it's definitely not cool to talk about your intimate secrets with other people. Then lots of hard conversations and a come to Jesus with your wife. Yea, some people are just too worried what their peers think and arent (strong/brave) enough to go against the group. Yet, evrything else you've said indicates that she does value you: this relationship was not strained up until this point, and nobody (apart from some really messed up people) can "play pretend" for so long. You gotta fuck Tom. While true, sometimes people just want to fit in. I think that sometimes both men and women have a form of locker room talk with their friends about topics that maybe they arent entirely truthful about with their friends in order to make them feel better. I am not straight, nor am I gay. If she can apologize for those things and really work on not doing them in the future, I think I'd forgive her. Don't go broadcasting it. She pulled her friends into your marriage and made you the butt of a running joke. Are there no angry bi men who look like grocery store managers? Be honest anyway. Just the circles I run in a guess. Me: girls, get your better halves and get the fuck out of my house They all pop right up and walk past me. It won't repair the damage that's been done. Good luck. He was literally a running joke to all of them. There are hundreds of roles people play all the time. So does she. OP, Ive never been in your shoes but I can empathize with flat out betrayal. Ok. Im scrolling Reddit at night because its an escape from my own personal issues, so I might not be connecting some dots. Women talk shit to each other just as much as men do. It's not a secret, kept in a fault. If my friends talked about my SO like that I would be livid and we wouldnt be friends anymore. And without trust, you have nothing. First of all, you're right to cool down before making decision on anything. she can claim she doesnt mean it all she wants but that will not change the fact she said it and then didnt defend you when things got ugly. Im in a similar, but much weirder, relationship (Im actually gay and married to a straight woman, we have an open marriage for our sex life, and a great family home life). Third, never fighting is surprisingly not a sign of a great marriage. I couldn't stop laughing at the first sentence in your comment. I am a closeted bi woman. I am not open about my sexuality. Fucking judgemental pieces of shit. Forgive them anyway. If that isn't true, she should dump the friends because no one should have to feel like they have to validate themselves in a relationship to those they trust. I can't stress enough how important it was that you didn't let this fester and at the same time you removed yourself from the situation to give yourself time to sort out your feelings. I think that you need a good week to try and think about how you feel, how you're going to be able to contain the gossip and how you move forward with the wife . Exposing your sexuality and your sex life to her friends is a massive betrayal, but it has been covered by other quality comments. Especially when there is alcohol involved. I live in a fairly large Canadian metropolitan area, most guys I know and hang out with are even a little bi. I thanked him. I'm wondering if your lack of fighting in your communication may be related to her not being open and honest with you as you are with her. Best of luck. I could never trust what to believe again. Agreed! If she does it again then it's a bigger issue but i'm sure this will be a big learning moment for her and you will both be in a better place for it. It just seems like shes ashamed of it an projecting. You poor man, I so want to give you a hug. And if they give you a hard time, then fuck em! I am a very chill guy. But what usually happens when one partner doesnt respect the other is that it festers. Id almost go with divorce but with the kids, I sincerely hope counseling is able to help. She betrayed your trust, and she makes fun of your sexuality to her friends? I don't know that I could ever trust and be vulnerable with her again. She just let it slip. They were basically talking about me (no one contacts me anymore, just my wife to commend her on how loyal she is despite having a douchebag loser husband), and I overheard her agreeing with the person on the phone. Id be worried he was sleeping with his friends and Id be scared of what he asked me to do in the bedroom they all giggled.i was FLOORED. Going forward, she needs to seriously consider what she says to her "friends" if she cannot say them infront of you openly. Being shitty is easy, being a good person is too Clearly choices have been made. Seriously? Exactly! Wow dude. You can always tell when they offer up explanations to any potential objections before they're asked. When we had problems of a sexual nature it made me feel worse that her friends who would constantly gossip amongst each other knew. I have no advice but as a fellow bi, my condolences. For a moment I felt ashamed. I don't know why you'd even give it a B-. Thank you for giving me my laugh for the day haha. Ive never felt this upset. But I bet, she has told other people many years ago about it. You deserve better treatment from her. How I interpret you feel: she betrayed your trust, she shared your private life, and then made fun of it. She feels bad for being caught. She may end up escalating the situation. What girl no own ya sh*t. I would be scared to death to share those acts with her again. I'm sorry you went through this. The third, least savoury issue: She may still have hidden feelings for Tom. I dont air out our dirty laundry for anyone else to see, especially when it comes to sex. When the bi thing slipped, she should have told you. I might not go as far as to say shes only sorry she got caught, but the current reaction is definitely because she got caught. Best of luck, stay happy, and be you (those who disagree can simply get out). That's so fucked man. Yup. It actually did make me feel a little better. I'm not sure what her motivation was with not being up front with you about all of this, especially the telling her friends of your sexuality. Once you have accepted what you can't change, then you can move forward, either using gratitude or optimism to recover & reframe the situation. This seems to be an unpopular opinion, but I kind of agree with you. I suggest therapy for you for your feelings and how you want the relationship to proceed. Good luck! Another violation of your trust. If a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty. Its amazing where friendship comes from in the darkest of times. I am a firm believer that most things can be worked through. Unless they're all like that and she's just throwing a couple out for a meat shield, like she did with you. I told her to get a therapist to talk to about it but DO NOT TALK TO YOUR FRIENDS ABOUT MY DICK essentially. If you can't trust someone with your sexuality - you aren't going to trust them with anything else that matters to you, there will always be something keeping you from sharing your full self with them. Your wife hates that you're bi. Acknowledge what you are going through sucks, don't judge it, & tell yourself the following: this is temporary. She seems like a good egg caught in a bad moment however. But something you might ask her about. She continued to ignore my boundary. Repeat offenders shouldnt get second chances and neither should first time ones. If that partner had outed me to anyone, I would have never been able to trust them again. Has anyone gone through anything similar? They will be lapping up the drama and pushing to be in the loop, believe me. If yes then walk and bear the burdens of the breakup, but if you think you together are worth saving, then do something to sort out the issues and move beyond it. NOBODY SHOULD TALK LIKE THAT ABOUT ANYONE. Suggest you stay away for a bit and do some thinking about what you want and whether its possible for her to mend this damage and that you can accept her behavior and forgive her. Doesnt make it right. All I know is I would never trust my wife ever again after something like this. First, you did not overreact, this is a huge violation of your trust. Tell her that not another drop of alcohol is going to pass her lips from now on, it obviously addles her common sense. And sometimes we have to forgive stupid people because we love them anyway. Neither is divorce. This is divorce worthy. I think your wife is genuine when she said it was just drunken girl talk and that she was intimidated into saying things because of her friends. I would be so freaking upset & sad. How? She should have known to do that herself beforehand. Shes the one the initiates that kind of sex (pegging, butt play, d/s stuff.none of which is exclusive to bi men btw) most the time! Yeah, I have a hunch that her apology is going to include counseling and new friends. You are not overreacting. Therapy is the next logical step. Here are some of my favorite quotes (I collect them). Take a few more days. Trust your gut, make the proper judgements, and most importantly bounce the fuck back. Kids do the joking crap and make fun of boyfriends, not decent women. I'm getting angry just sitting here cause I've personally witnessed this so many times. Also, if shes lying to you about this, I feel absolutely certain that are other things you dont know. Or will she stand by him, tell her friends she is the one who was lying because she was afraid of their reactions, and own her shit? They don't have her best interest at heart and they will just as quickly sow seeds of doubt to her evidently impressionable mind. Maybe your wife didnt feel comfortable telling her friends that she enjoyed herself because she didnt want to be judged. Her to never talk to her friends?? At the very least there's some trust work that will need to be done to rebuild some things. Dont just move on forget, learn from it. Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough. 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